Author Archive
Liberation or Fear
Posted by: | CommentsDo you ever feel like you need to reign yourself in so other people feel comfortable?
Or you worry about how other people are going to react so you don’t say what you think, dance across the room, or write the blog post you’re dying to share?
Perhaps you find yourself over analyzing everything to the point that you don’t actually get anything done?
All of these situations are signs that you are letting your fear limit your self-expression and it’s time to unleash yourself and let your freak flag fly!
Seriously, if you want to live a kick-ass life you need to move from fear based to LIBERATION based ways of relating. Stop wasting your time and energy worrying about what everyone else is going to think/feel and start focusing on what will help you move forward and expand into more YOU-ness.
I’m going to borrow these fabulous questions from Danielle LaPorte- she nailed them so perfectly.
Fear –driven questions-
What will they think of me? I better do what will make me look good.
What do they expect of me? I better give them what they want, when they want it.
What can I get from them? I better be clever to get what I want.
Something to notice about all of these questions is that they imply that there are conditions to you getting what you want. You need to look good, fit in, get it right and keep other people happy if you want things to go your way.
It doesn’t work that way. Other people are not responsible for your outcome; you are. Keep the power in your own hands. Your being true to yourself and letting your freak flag fly is the key to your living your life your way. Don’t let your fear what other people are going to think hold you back.
If you want to embrace this and really rock it out- I suggest basing your choices and actions on these Liberation driven questions- also from D.L.
Liberation-driven questions:
Is this moving me forward?
Do I feel more like myself?
Does this feel expansive or contracting?
How can I be generous here?
I’m really digging the concept of expansion and contraction. This is something I talk about a lot with clients. When something feels expansive, it’s an indication that you are in alignment and opening up to more of yourself. There is a forward motion and sense of unfolding to it. This is what you are looking for!
The feeling of contraction means you are limiting yourself- putting yourself into a box of sorts- and something is out of whack. When you feel this way it’s time to take a step back and determine what would feel better to you.
The more you unleash yourself – fly your freak flag- and bring more of YOU into the equation; The more kick-ass your life will be.
Where are you at with this?
Are you driven by fear or driven by the desire for liberation?
Is there one area of your life that you are more driven by fear than by liberation?
Lay it on me in the comments below.
Where the Desire for More Gets Sticky
Posted by: | Comments“Is there something wrong with me because I don’t feel satisfied with what I have?”
It’s not like your current life sucks, but it leaves you wondering if you’d be happier with something else. If only you had more connection with your partner, a more exciting sex life, more REAL friends who totally get you, more deep meaningful conversations, more speaking & living your truth, and more opportunities to express yourself creatively.
“Maybe I just don’t know how to be happy?”
What drives you to want more out of life?
There are a lot of reasons why we want more out of life. Our purpose is to grow and expand, while enjoying the ride along the way. The only way to do this is to push ourselves outside our comfort zone on a regular basis (everyday) and get really comfortable with change. Wanting more is part of this process.
Where it gets Sticky
It’s natural to want more, I want more all the time, but the problem is the notion that if you want more-there MUST be something WRONG with what you currently have. We think we need to make our lives- or ourselves- wrong and chuck what we have in order to have what we are looking for. The funny part is most of the time we have NO IDEA what the MORE we are seeking looks like.
I asked a client what drove her to want more in her life. Someone had commented to her that she seemed to be always challenging herself to do more and change things. She told me that she had spent parts of her life feeling slightly depressed because she didn’t feel inspired and passionate about what she was doing. She felt the drive to push herself to do more, be more, learn and find her place of alignment and connection. But this drive left her questioning her relationship and living situation.
She knew she wanted more- more meaningful connection with friends, intimacy, freedom in speaking and living her truth. She didn’t know what it specifically looked like or how to get it. She was feeling conflicted about giving up what she already had in order to find it.
Re-frame It
“Maybe you don’t need to give everything up in order to have the MORE you want?”
I invited her to reframe things- “My life rocks and it will be really cool to have these things too” and make some space for things to shift. I also encouraged her to “want more” from a place of appreciating what is already there. Rather than focusing on the lack, focus on all the growth and expansion that has/will happen.
“Appreciate all the connection, meaning, intimacy, and freedom to speak and live your truth you have in your life right now. Give it an opportunity to expand.”
One More Thing
We also talked about the tendency to look to other people to provide us with what we feel is missing and blaming them if we aren’t getting what we need.
If you’re not experiencing the intimacy that you desire- look to yourself for it first. You are always getting back a mirror reflection of what you’re putting out there. For example- if you’re not experiencing the intimacy you desire with your partner, where are you not open to it? Are you providing a safe environment for them to fully show up and be vulnerable? Or are you critical of them and focusing on what’s lacking? Try holding your partner in love and appreciation- praising and acknowledging all their efforts, growth and awesomeness- then see if there is room for more intimacy.
Stop making your desire for MORE = there must be something wrong with my life. You don’t need to ditch everything you’ve created in order to have more. Matter of fact, you will find what you’re looking for much faster when you do it from a place of appreciating all that you already have.
What do you want more of in your life?
Where is it already showing up?
What do you need to shift inside of yourself to be more fully able to receive it?
There’s No Turning Back Now
Posted by: | CommentsI’m done pushing!
Done trying to convince people that society limits our ability to be who we are.
Done being a rabble rouser.
Well, maybe that’s taking it a bit too far.
I’ll still stir things up but I’ll do from a different angle. I’ll do it by dangling the promise of a life full of juicy goodness if you open up and expand into more YOU-NESS!!!
That approach feels so much more expansive, and that is what I’m going for.
A few months ago I realized that Defy the Box felt like it was pushing against something. The whole nature of defying the box felt like you had to struggle and fight in order to be yourself. (You’ll see some changes happening in the upcoming months to remedy this).
When I created Defy the Box I certainly felt that way. I was sick and tired of feeling like I had to conform in order to be successful.
The success that I had created so wasn’t worth it!! I felt like I had to hide big parts of who I was and it made me frustrated and angry most of the time. I also consumed a lot of everything in order to feel better.
After practicing what I preach for so many years, I KNOW that I don’t have to fight to be myself and be fully self-expressed. There is no one holding me back but me.
As I’ve learned to recognize the stories that hold me back and tell me that I’m supposed to be different, I can easily break free of them. Those stories are no longer an obstacle.
The more I fly my freak flag and own who I am, the more luscious my life gets.
There is no pushing or fighting going on. Now it is all about making the choice to release what doesn’t serve me and creating the space for expansion.
Now that I’ve unleashed myself there is no going back!
What about you? Are you pushing against something in your life?
Do you blame anyone, or anything for keeping you from living the life you want to live?
What would happen if you stopped pushing and made the choice to create the space for your expansion?
If you’re ready to stop pushing and start expanding into the juiciest version of your life- sign up for Unleash Yourself! In 30 days you can take your life from ordinary to extraordinary!
The Realization that Changed Everything
Posted by: | CommentsThis was a big turning point for me……….
I was feeling stuck, worried about money and frustrated that my lover wouldn’t commit to living together. I was feeling stagnant and cranky about it so I got on the phone with my favorite coach of all time and proceeded to tell him that there were a few areas of my life that weren’t feeling that great to me. I wasn’t making enough money in my business and my lover didn’t want the same things from our relationship as I did. Everything was OK besides that.
“As long as I don’t think about these things I’m good, but then something happens and I get lost in feeling bad about my lover not wanting to live together and how I’m just scraping by each month and I get stressed out and start feeling bad”
“I just need some wiggle room! I don’t want to feel like I’m settling.”
His response knocked the wind out of me for a minute.
“You don’t believe you can have it”
There was a long silence on my end as I let those words settle in. Then I realized that it was true! On some level I didn’t truly believe that I could have the relationship, business, money, and life that I truly wanted.
I wasn’t allowing myself to dream big and look for other solutions that would open up the way for everything that I wanted because I was protecting myself from my desires. I was thinking small and playing small and willing to settle for “wiggle room” rather than going big and opening up the way for something magnificent to come in.
That conversation changed everything for me.
I started noticing all the places I was aiming small and settling because I doubted I could have what I wanted. I gave myself permission to dream big and get specific about what I desired in my life. And my life changed drastically for the better. I ditched my old boyfriend and found myself someone who wanted the same things that I did. I changed the way I was doing business and made more money. I upped my game and expanded into the luscious life I wanted to live.
Now my life is full of all kinds of juicy goodness and I’m passionate about helping you create the same thing too!
It breaks my heart when I talk to women who are settling for unsatisfying lives. They’re bored, frustrated and uninspired about some aspect of their work, relationships, or life and find themselves settling for whatever everyone else is having, and afraid to ask for what they really want.
When I ask them what they want their response is-“I don’t know”.
Every time I hear this, it activates the coach in me. Once we dig in it becomes apparent that they do know what they want- they’re just afraid to claim it!!
I know that life is full of juicy goodness and I want YOU to give yourself permission to claim it!
That is why I have teamed up with my dear friend Kelle Sparta to create an exciting new class starting in July called Unleash Yourself! 30 Days to Luscious Freedom. This class will have you shouting “ I Love My Life” from the roof tops! There is room for 30 Luscious Ladies to join us on this fun and transformational adventure (sorry guys).
If you are tired of settling and are ready to start living a luscious life of your own – email me and I will fill you in on the class details. Don’t delay if you want to get in on the crazy good early bird pricing that ends June 10th.
I’d love to have you join us!!
The Problem with Protecting Yourself From Your Desires
Posted by: | CommentsWhat do you want in your life and business?
The most common answer I hear to this question is “I don’t know”.
I think you do know, but you’re afraid to claim it because you don’t think you can really have it.
And that is the problem.
You don’t believe you can have what you want, so you don’t give yourself permission to go for it.
You protect yourself from your “unreasonable” desires by ignoring them. You only allow yourself to want the things you think you can have.
You think small and play small.
Guess what happens when you think and play small?
You ignore your desire to travel the world doing boudoir photo shoots and settle for taking pictures of kids and weddings because it seems doable and you really need the money. You end up frustrated and uninspired which negatively impacts your profits.
Or
You stay in the unsatisfying relationship because it’s better than the other’s that you have had, and you settle for a partner who doesn’t give you the love and affection that you desire. You crave affection and touch, and begin to feel undesirable. You end up wondering how you ended up this way.
Want to know how to change it?
Recognize that the only thing stopping you from having everything you desire is your story saying you can’t have it.
This story prevents you from dreaming and playing big! It makes you settle for an unsatisfying relationship, sucky job, and keeps you from expanding into your greatness.
We are here to expand, grow and be inspired.
Stop reigning yourself in and ignoring your desires. If you feel a strong desire that keeps coming back, it is meant for you! Give yourself permission to go for it!! The Universe is on your side and will show you the way if you let it.
The challenge is to identify where your stories about what is possible are holding you back. It’s hard to see these stories because you’re too close to them and they are wound deep into your belief system. You often need an outside perspective to see them clearly.
Here are so examples of the changes that can happen when you change up your story-
“You mean all I have to do is stop lying to myself?” is what an amazing women who hired me to help her improve her social life said. With-in one week of discovering the crappy old story that prevented her from having the relationships that she wanted, she was filling up her social calendar with fun new connections.
It can be that easy!
Another client let go of the stories that prevented her from going for her dream of being a documentary film maker, and someone else stopped playing it small and went on to create a life changing women’s event.
I can help you say “yes” to your desires and allow them in. You will be going for your dream job, expanding into your greatness, and tapping into all the juicy goodness that the world has to offer you.
Is this something that you can use? If your answer is “hell Yhea” send me an email and lets talk.
