Archive for Stretching Yourself
It’s not all rainbows and kittens…you have to work for it
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve been wondering if I’m doing you a disservice by talking about looking for happiness in order to create your Kick-Ass Life.
I talk about the importance of feeling good in your life a lot, and this makes me wonder if I am doing a good enough job showing that in order to feel good in your life, you have to be willing to feel bad too.
The last thing I want to do is become another one of those air-fairy, woo-woo types that make it seem like all you have to do is think about the things that you want, and put a few picture up and everything you desire will instantly appear. There is so much more to it than staying positive and thinking happy thoughts.
In order to change your life you must be willing to do some things that feel really uncomfortable at first- like stepping outside your comfort zone, dealing with a lot of uncertainty, facing your fears, and making mistakes.
You need to be willing to feel the discomfort of stretching yourself and expanding beyond where you have been before.
The scariest thing that you will do is to stand in the place of taking 100% responsibility for your outcome. It all comes down to you and your choices.
Transforming your life takes courage and a bit of a bad-ass attitude doesn’t hurt. It’s all about you deciding that you’re not going to settle for an unsatisfying life, and that you are willing to do the work to change things.
In the end it is always worth it. And it’s not like you have to go it alone. There are plenty of people out there who are willing to help you….like me for instance.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to talk about feeling good and being happy, but I think I’m going spend a little more time talking about the challenging aspects of the process and how you can make it more manageable.
My deepest fears revealed.
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I was reading Chris Guillebeau’s blog over at The Art of Non-Conformity and this really got me thinking:
The reasons we fail to begin are frequently cited as: time, money, or something else external.
The reasons we actually fail to begin are often: fear, inertia, or something else internal.
It’s socially acceptable to blame our indecisiveness on a lack of resources. Everyone understands when you say you’re waiting for a change in situation before beginning. But in fact, it’s relatively easy to deal with the lack of resources. What’s harder is taking the first, critical steps toward overcoming the internal obstacles. The act of beginning something is powerful. Putting words to page, setting an unbreakable date on the calendar, making a firm commitment.
Back in the day when I was all caught up in my uninspiring, unsatisfying pre-packaged life, I had a million reasons why I had to stay at my job, and not make the changes necessary to break free and pursue my kick-ass dream life. I rarely allowed myself the time and space to imagine what would be better or what exactly my kick-ass dream life looked like.
There were too many reasons to stay put:
I had bills to pay, and responsibilities to attend to.
I did not have enough money.
I was too exhausted after work and did not have the time or energy for it.
I just needed to get through the holidays and then I could consider something different.
The reality was that I was very afraid, and I did not want to admit that, or examine it too closely, so I hid behind all the common excuses that people use to not move forward and change things in their lives, and I continued to be miserable.
Now when I look back it is easy to see what my deepest fears were:
Not knowing how to go about getting what I wanted.
Making a mistake.
I wanted change but I was afraid of it as well.
All the scary Unknown factors.
The biggest fear of them all was that I could not do it. What if I failed and everyone laughed at me for even trying?
I am wondering what is really hiding behind all your reasons and excuses for not going after your kick-ass dream life right now?
I can speak from my experience with my own life, and working with clients, once you begin to examine these things and shine the light of awareness on them, it is often easier that you ever dreamed of to move past them.
I think Chris is right on the money when he says: “It’s socially acceptable to blame our indecisiveness on a lack of resources. Everyone understands when you say you’re waiting for a change in situation before beginning. But in fact, it’s relatively easy to deal with the lack of resources.”
I am going to be bold here and talk about the excuse of not having enough money to invest in yourself and creating your dream life.
This is one thing I know to be true: Being uninspired, unhappy, and unsatisfied is an expensive habit.
It takes a lot of resources to fill that void that you are feeling when you are living in this place! Think about all the money you spend on things to make you feel better…….retail therapy, too much food, drinks, toys and gadgets, self help books, and other quick fixes. This is why we consume so much in this country! People are trying to feel better, or that they are enough….you need these things in order to feel good.
What if you felt good without having to buy anything? That is what living your kick-ass dream life can do for you.
I will say that the best money I have ever spent was investing in myself & my dreams. It has paid for itself 100 times over in so many different ways.
So, all excuses aside………..how can you start stepping into your kick-ass dream life today?
If you want help with this, sign up for The CRASH Course and I will walk you through it. ( I know I am selling something here but it is a really helpful program that will lead you right into your happy place.)
Is There One Right Way to Live?
Posted by: | CommentsAn extremely common pre-packaged belief is that there is a right way and a wrong way to live. It‘s thought that all people should discover this and agree upon it, and then that right way of living should be enforced.
What the F@#*%?
This idea is crazy for a number of reasons. The biggest being that we are all different, and what makes you happy and is the right way for you to live, might feel completely wrong to me.
But we do continue to force our ideas onto each other. This happens on so many different levels.
Religion is the first to come to mind.
Different countries have different ideas about the best way to run things.
You can see this same thing happening in the different states as they work through ideas about gay marriage and the legalization of marijuana.
Growing up, children are impacted by their parent’s ideas about how to raise them and how they should live. How they should dress, and speak and behave. Factor in the school system and your culture and there are lots of rules and expectations around what RIGHT LIVING looks like.
This is the main reason why there are so many people who feel like freaks and outsiders in this world. They are living their lives according to someone else’s ideas about what right living looks like. When you try to cram yourself into something that is not designed with you in mind, it feels yucky.
Is there one right way to live?
NO WAY!
There are as many ways to live as there are people. It would benefit us all to embrace that idea and live it.
I want you to think about this for a minute.
What does your ‘right way’ to live look like ?
To Offend or Not Offend, That is the Question
Posted by: | CommentsThe past few days I have been caught up in an ongoing mental swirl around whether or not I should tone down my message and the way I deliver it.
Why was I considering this?
In order to appeal to a broader audience.
In order to be more accessible.
In order not to offend people.
I was offered the opportunity to host Defy the Box Radio to a much larger audience than I am now. A well established website for women contacted me and said they were interested in my edgy perspective and the Defy the Box message was appealing to them. When I checked out the site and the other shows they offered I liked what I saw, but thought that they might be a bit too ‘vanillia’ for me. I suggested that they check out the past episodes of my show to see if they thought I would be a good fit. When we spoke again I was told that they liked my message and would love to have me, but I would need to tone things down a bit so that I do not offend anyone on the site.
MMMMM…….tone down my message, huh?
My first reaction was NO WAY, but then I started questioning myself.
I do want to expand my audience, and I am doing my best to expand my business.
Am I missing out on an opportunity by saying no?? Am I being a responsible business owner ?
Just thinking about toning myself down makes me feel restricted and unsettled. It makes me doubt myself.
This is not the way I want to feel.
When it comes right down to it, I do not like the idea of restricting myself in any way. The idea of toning down my message and my delivery of it is not appealing at all.
What I am really being asked to do is to adjust my behavior so that I ‘fit in’ to a particular box.
And I have to acknowledge that I was almost buying into the story that says you need to tone yourself down in order to appeal to a large audience, and offending people is bad. I was starting to flip – flop and was beginning to think that maybe it was a good idea to tone things down a bit so that I would be more accessible to the mainstream.
Then I called my friend Kelle and had a great conversation about speaking in your authentic voice, and who I really wanted to reach out to, and was I actually going to miss out on an opportunity here? Kelle is really good at helping me stay on track, and she reminded me that if you are not offending someone…you are not doing your job right. Thanks Kelle!
I mean, look at Howard Stern. Many people find him obnoxious and offensive but they still listen. He has a strong voice and perspective and is not afraid to stand out. His audience loves him.
When it comes right down to it, my ‘toning it down’ would not be in alignment with the message of Defy the Box.
What kind of example would I be if I was not letting my freak flag fly high and proud?
The reality is that I am a rabble rouser.
I am intentionally trying to stir things up, and make people question the ideas and beliefs that they have been living by.
That can be very offensive to many people.
It makes them uncomfortable. In response to the discomfort, they make me, or my message, wrong rather than looking inside themselves to discover the real reason they are feeling uncomfortable. ( It’s not really about me at all.)
It’s OK…I do my best not to take this personally. 
So…do I tone things down???
NO WAY!
Wheww….that feels so much better.
