Fuck Personas
ByI’m a complex person and I’ve played a lot of different roles in my life: Bad-Ass Night Club Bouncer, Rocking Reggae Promoter, Kick-Ass Cook, Server in the Hottest Joint in Town, Mistress of the Underground Party Scene, Candy-Flipping Party Girl Extraordinaire, Manager Extraordinaire, Behavior Modification Wizard and Caretaker to some very special folks.
All of these personas had a distinct uniform and personality and only allowed me to express a small fraction of who I am as an individual. I would put a different persona on depending on what I was doing. As a result, I found myself compartmentalizing the different aspect of my personality in order to fit into the culture of my environment. It was exhausting!
Have you ever found yourself doing that?
When I was being the Server in the Hottest Joint in Town, I had to wear my hair a certain way and maintain my appearance in the way that suited my employer. No piercings, no funky hair color. I lived by their schedule not mine. I had to watch what I said and couldn’t freely talk about my alter-egos; Mistress of the Underground Party Scene and Candy Flipping Party Girl. When I did, the people I worked with thought I was too freaky, or they buddied up to me and wanted me to be their access point into the mysterious underground world I was privy to.
I talked to my family about my work life, but barely breezed over my social life. They didn’t understand or want to hear about it.
I had my chosen family of fun, freaky friends who I could be ME with, but my work and family life was totally separate.
I felt like I was living 3 different lives all with separate personas. You should have seen my closet! I had three different wardrobes.
I was so used to having to hide parts of who I was; I didn’t really know how to be me all the time. I developed a defensive shield that I put up around me that effectively hid me from the world. I only let certain people in, and left the rest to try and peer in through the cracks.
It was exhausting and I soon tired of it. I decided that I wanted to be me all the time, and I changed my life to accommodate that desire. I went to coaching school and became a coach. I longed to be fully self-expressed and did a lot of work to get to know who I was underneath all those personas.
I became the coach for other “freaky” people who were sick and tired of hiding who they are too. I imagined doing my part to create a world where everyone was encouraged to be unique individuals and create business that was the perfect reflection of their unique gifts and talents. Woo-hoo!! I set out on my merry way to do that.
A few years ago I realized that I was caught up in a whole different set of personas: The Business Owner, the Bad-Ass Non-Conforming Rebel Brand, The Marketer, The Home Owner and it felt stifling.
Man!!! How did I end up here again??
When I sat down and looked at it, I realized that I was caught up in a story that said that there is a right way and a wrong way to be in business. I was too concerned about being “on-brand” all the time. On some level I felt that I still had to compartmentalize who I was and create very specific personas in order to be successful. I was right back where I started from, not fully allowing my ME-ness to shine through.
Fuck Personas!
I now know that the way for me to be successful is to bring more of ME into my life and business. No more caricatures of who I think I need to be to succeed. I no longer worry about being “on-brand” or “off-brand”. Hell, I am my brand; my superpowers, vulnerabilities, freaky bits, and all the other parts of me that are revealing themselves throughout the day.
Amazing things happen when I show up fully, love and accept myself, and let the me-ness run free. There is an ease and flow to life and I attract all kinds of amazing opportunities to do the work I love.
I’m curious to learn what personas you find yourself caught up in?
How do they serve you?
21 Comments
March 14th, 2025 at 11:07 am
I find myself torn between funny/daring friend/adult and do what’s expected of you Mommy. You’re right it’s exhausting. I’m going to start working to merge those two gals.
Jackie D.´s last [type] ..Fan-tastic!
March 14th, 2025 at 11:28 am
Oh man did you hit it with this one!! I’m so tired of my parents not “getting” me and what I do. They think i’m not responsible, i’m careless, i’m just “daydreaming”. UGH! FUCK THAT!!! I am ME!! I am a photographer, a creative, a business owner, a coach to other photographers, I am responsible, and I am a hopeless romantic! And yes, I am a fucking freak and damn proud of it!!!
)
March 14th, 2025 at 12:06 pm
I LOVE this post! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!
It has taken me years to bring all of myself to the table and I find that the more I do that, the more successful my business is. Authenticity – and being fully yourself – is THE best branding strategy EVER.
Thank you for being YOU, Leah!!!
xoxo.
Nona Jordan | the Business Yogini´s last [type] ..Get Past the Internal ‘Glass Ceiling’
March 14th, 2025 at 12:45 pm
Do it Jackie!! It is such a gift to yourself and your family/friends.
March 14th, 2025 at 12:49 pm
Hey Amy….rock on with your freaky self!!
For me the key was to stop trying to explain who I was and just be me. I had to stop worrying about what other people might think about me….especially my family….and be more concerned about what I think of me.
I admit that it is hard to maintain the “i don’t care what people think” all the time…but the more I keep on being me, the more amazing things happen and great opportunities show up.
Rock on!
Leah
March 14th, 2025 at 12:50 pm
You got that right Nona- being yourself is the best branding strategy nd it’s so much easier to maintain then some created persona.
March 14th, 2025 at 2:37 pm
Oh my Leah, that persona thing. Ouch, totally hit the nerve. I am so freaking guilty of that. I often also become an empty vessel for others and they project on me whatever they want me to be and when I cannot keep up and it falls apart, then everyone is hurt and disappointed… Thanks for that post, it will simmer with me for a while
Mel´s last [type] ..So I am not from around here…
March 14th, 2025 at 6:02 pm
Leah.. love all this and wish I knew more details about all the jobs (!) what is candy-flipping.. please tell me!! You can tell who the sugar addicts are.. (detoxing this week so “candy” lit up like neon). It’s a LOT of pressure trying to fit into those boxes and keep them all lined up just so. I could never do it, and there were times it got me in lots of trouble. I was always kind of the big-mouth.. the one who just had to tell the truth, who couldn’t quite comply.. hello self-employment!! I wasn’t a huge rebel, but enough so that I got squirmy trying to fit in and just knew I didn’t even want to. I was recently visiting my brother in California, and a friend of his started to try to label me.. it was very weird.. based on a tattoo and jewelry.. she was literally throwing labels at me.. “hippie” was one of them. It was very odd. I have always prided myself on being a ‘weird mix’. Great article.. Seems like you’ve hit your stride and are pretty clear, yes? xox Lisa
http://www.IntuitiveBod.com
Simple Sacred Solutions To Living Beautifully In Your Body
March 14th, 2025 at 6:04 pm
Well, today, when I stand in front of class eager to learn about social media, and they see me with my colourful wardrobe and matching colourful hair, they usually laugh when I tell them that I did 25 years as an admin assistant in corporate offices.
How did I ever fit in?
The fact is, I never did and my persona was a pretty thin veneer that I threw off frequently and sometimes at the most inopportune times!
Today I’n still trying to full reveal all of myself, and trying to better integrate Social Butterfly Solutions with my deeply personal spiritual practice of gratitude and my gorgeous photography. When I revealed to myself that my super power is “small” it helped to tie it all together, but the process continues…
…and in the end I don’t think anyone can picture what I am because I’m the first me there is.
I love this idea of dropping the persona and learning to be yourself! Keep at it! We’ll get there. Together!
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
Teresa´s last [type] ..Random Gratitude Tarot card: Ten of Thankfulness
March 14th, 2025 at 7:03 pm
Leah I do this too and I thought I was the only one. I keep trying to break out of it; but I’m still too caught up in the way I think I should be and that there is a right and wrong way to do things. Thank you for your honest and brave post, it’s highlighted the areas I need to focus on because I really do want to be me, all of me, all the time!
Claire´s last [type] ..Putting things off just makes things scarier – they’re not! Getting my boredom buster newsletter done!
March 14th, 2025 at 7:50 pm
I’m the same person all the time, I find I hold back or hide different things for different groups of people. None of my family or friends understands what it is I’m trying to do with my biz so instead of trying to explain it over & over or listen to their negativity, I have cultivated a lazy bitch persona.
March 15th, 2025 at 2:20 pm
Leah, another brave and compelling post! I’m with ya, sister — the personas get me down too. There’s “Mommy,” “Business Owner,” “Wife of a Corporate Big-Shot,” “Dutiful Daughter,” and so many others. I still struggle — almost daily — with blending them all into one. I’m so tired of it, but I need more practice, and maybe even more tips on HOW. (Got any?) Thanks for the beautiful reminder that who minds doesn’t matter and who matters doesn’t mind. (Thanks, Dr. Seuss!)
Jessica´s last [type] ..4 Fitness “Fails” to Avoid
March 15th, 2025 at 5:08 pm
Great post Leah! I think the best thing about being ourselves in business is that we don’t get attached to the “brand”. Because we’re not static, neither is the image. So it’s just a whole lot easier to show up as our evolving selves than try to fit into what somebody thought we were yesterday!
Like Delisa, I don’t bother discussing certain things with certain people (things they may not be ready to hear)but I don’t think that compromises my authenticity.
Another thing that helps is aging! Somewhere between 50 and 60 I cared less about how people might judge me (especially family members!)
March 15th, 2025 at 5:21 pm
I JUST talked about this very thing at a recent event. I called it a Holistic Approach to Life. Be all of who you are; don’t leave a part of you at the door when you enter your job (I was talking to 100 unemployed searchers). Why land a job by being someone you’re not?
It seems the energies are really supporting this type of contemplation. And the realization that we should embrace all of us and stop trying to fit into a box that clearly is the wrong shape.
Marita Rahlenbeck´s last [type] ..The Inspiring Talent That Is Adele
March 15th, 2025 at 6:11 pm
@Mel- I find that people are always projecting who they want you to be, the trick is to still stay true to yourself. You can’t control what they think, but you can control how you show up.
@Lisa- Candy-flipping is what it’s called when you take ecstasy and acid together.It used to be very popular in the Rave scene and in a lot of consciousness exploration communities.Those days are way behind me now……but it was fun when I was doing it.LOL!
@Claire- noticing you’re doing it is the place to start.I’m here to help if you need me.
@Delisa- I’ve stopped explaining myself too.I’m curious to hear how the lazy bitch persona shows up? What does she do?
@Jessica- Your inspiring me to write another blog post with some tips! I think the biggest thing is to be committed to showing up fully, and not taking things personally when other people don’t get you.
March 16th, 2025 at 9:14 am
People think that because I don’t have a real job & I’m teaching my kids to care for themselves (we homeschool) that I do nothing but sit on my ass all day goofing off on the internet. They know I make things but are only interested in what I will give them for free. Many of them think that any kind of work you could do on the internet is a scam and being an artist/writer isn’t a real job.
I allow them to go on thinking that I do nothing and can’t do anything. In 17yrs of marriage I have hosted a family holiday once & didn’t even have to do any of the cooking. That is one of the bonuses of the lazy bitch persona. The downside being people think I am at available at all hours of the day to help them and talk to me like I’m stupid. Having no job = Having no value
Delisa´s last [type] ..Faeries help with character bios
March 16th, 2025 at 10:39 am
Delisa…is that working for you?
Does it feel good to play that Persona and have people treat you that way?
March 16th, 2025 at 10:52 am
Not really. Which is part of the reason they think I’m a bitch. I don’t respond well to being treated that way so to them it just makes me a bitch. Once they realize or believe that then they mostly leave me alone, which does work for me. What ever they think doesn’t really matter.
Delisa´s last [type] ..Faeries help with character bios
March 16th, 2025 at 11:43 am
My “persona” grew up with me and just morphed into the next thing it needed to be. Started as the good catholic school girl, got a little more impenetrable in law school when I learned how to “play the character” that was really good in competitions, then took over completely when I turned into the perfectly smooth, always correct and appropriate corporate chick. My problem was less about changing personas for my audience and more about finding what the personas had been pushing aside.
With A LOT of work I have learned that I am not nearly as conservative in thouht or appearance as I had been portraying. I’m not very interested in what other people think, althouh it is a struggle to break the approval habit. And most importantly little bits keep falling off the mask in public every day. And you know what? Nothing bad heappens! I’m more “me” than I have been probably ever. It’s scary but once it starts, you can’t go back.
March 17th, 2025 at 6:08 pm
You got that right Jean- Once you start you can’t go back!
April 7th, 2025 at 2:01 am
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