The Burning Question Answered
By
I’m happy dancing with the opportunity to play with Danielle LaPorte!
She invited people to answer this question on their blogs -What’s one dumb thing that you used to believe in?
I’m so in on this!!!!
I used to buy into the idea that the way to be successful was to work really, really hard. Long hours spent paying your dues and saying “yes” to everything that was asked of you. You didn’t question your salary or your boss. You just hunkered down and did your best hoping that someone would notice the great work you were doing. It would all pay off in the end when you magically reached the point of success and got to do relax a bit and enjoy your life.
But that is never the way it turned out. The more I worked, the more that was expected of me. I had set my own personal bar so high, I couldn’t possible keep up with it. Sure I made some money and was good at my job, but I was miserable!!! Burnt out, pissed off and needing a really long vacation.
Funny enough, my own personal experience had taught me that the opposite of this was true. I was the most prosperous and happy when I was barely doing any work at all – selling E at parties back in the day. I’m not suggesting that you become a drug dealer, but I am pointing out that working hard was not necessarily paying off in my world.
Working hard for no payoff was what I grew up watching my parents do. My Dad went off to a job he hated everyday and came home and poured himself a drink first thing in the door. My Mom struggled to raise kids, get her Master’s degree and then build a career. They both worked really hard hoping to one day be able to relax and enjoy their lives….even if it would be when they retired. They barely made enough money to raise our family in the traditional lower middle class way.
Then my Mom got breast cancer and struggled with that disease for 8 years before it finally killed her. She was only 55.
Her last words to me were- Enjoy your life now!!! You are working so hard and so focused on your career. You need to stop and enjoy your life right now!!
You see, she had thought that if she worked hard when she was young, she would be able to enjoy her life when she was older…..but she found herself dying instead. Her words of wisdom- This was supposed to me my time to live- and I’m dying instead. Don’t let that happen to you!
I took her words to heart.
What I know to be true- Success comes from being happy and enjoying your life. Spend your time doing what you love. Have fun everyday!! Take the time to enjoy the people who matter to you. Breath!!!! Celebrate!!!! Live!!! The money will come.
I invite you to play along and answer this question too- What’s one dumb thing that you used to believe in?
10 Comments
February 22nd, 2025 at 5:39 pm
Just been reading Simon Sinek’s latest post, and there was a line in it that cut me to the core and made me think of the question you/Danielle posed.
I used to think it was ok to violate what I stand for, when it was necessary to make money, or keep people happy, or not ruffle feathers, or stick with something I’d made a commitment to.
I don’t want to do that any more.
Fiona Leonard´s last [type] ..What a Japanese tourist can teach you about really living
February 23rd, 2025 at 2:57 am
Leah, this is the tops. I’m so with you — watching my parents work, scrimp and save for “someday.” Thankfully, they’re still around to enjoy their someday, but now they can’t RELAX enough to really enjoy it. Bless their hearts, they just don’t know what to do with themselves if they’re not slaving at something they hate. Tough as that is to watch, it has definitely taught me that my work must have true meaning for me — something that lifts me up every day.
A related dumb thing I used to believe: that *love* had to be hard. Of course there are moments in good relationships that feel like work, but not EVERY moment has to be that. I’m so thankful to my husband for showing me a better way there.
February 23rd, 2025 at 7:21 am
It seems to be how we all remember our parents, I was also brought up to think that the harder you worked, the more you would deserve the rewards. That if you don’t work hard a) you won’t get anywhere and b) you won’t deserve it, so shouldn’t enjoy it. Dumb, dumb, dumb! The best things in my life have come out of the blue, without any obvious work, I still feel guilty about that; but this week realised that if I expect everything to come the hard way then it will. I do not want that for the rest of my life. No way!
I’m still working really hard to shift that point of view, it feels so ingrained; but I’m going to do it and your post reminds me and reassures me it’s possible!
Claire´s last [type] ..Trying to appear “normal” – Balancing Holidays From Home with my ME/CFS.
February 23rd, 2025 at 9:10 am
This is a great belief to be letting go of Claire!!
I picture you easily expanding into a new expectation that everything comes gently and easily to you!!
February 23rd, 2025 at 9:11 am
Your so lucky to have found someone who can show you a better way to love Jessica!!
February 23rd, 2025 at 9:12 am
Rock on Fiona!!!
February 23rd, 2025 at 9:33 am
Yep… I’m with the others. My dad (who is an amazingly wonderful person) always taught us that we need to work hard/study hard NOW so that we can enjoy it all later. We’ve talked about that since then & have come to understand that it may not work exactly the way he once thought
Speaking of one dumb thing that I used to believe, though… I used to believe that if I just stayed quiet, and agreeable, that people would like me. Maybe even love me. Turns out it’s all bullshit. And that even if some did like me when I was quiet and agreeable, I didn’t like *them* (or me!).
Besides… it’s much more fun to be all of me (which sometimes includes quiet!)… even though there are some that just don’t dig it.
Angel´s last [type] ..being open for blooming
February 23rd, 2025 at 10:15 am
Leah–so true!
I am into hard work but I do not define it the way so many people do-I think hard work is only worthwhile when it takes you somewhere amazing that you really want to be. If hard work is spinning your wheels in the mud and muck then I stay-stop and re-assess. Pronto. Living life NOW and getting the most out of it NOW is so essential-because really, we never know when our last breath will come. Thank you for this excellent reminder!
Bri Saussy´s last [type] ..Being Here Now
February 24th, 2025 at 1:09 pm
Oh man! So much stuff to say here. Like Claire, I used to think that if you didn’t have to work HARD (like, constant uphill battle hard) for something, then you didn’t deserve it. I used to think that if something was easy for me it was easy for everyone (and thus, not worth any money!). I also used to think that it was hard or impossible to be wealthy while doing something fun. Not very smart, in retrospect…and I’m lucky that I have so many people who show me the opposite
Michelle´s last [type] ..Beating Self Sabotage: An Interview With Helen Hunter MacKenzie
March 23rd, 2025 at 4:25 am
I have a self-image one:
I used to believe that you didn’t get to wear clothes to make you happy and express yourself. Now, I choose things that bring a smile to my face and cheer to my heart when I wear them. Can it really be possible?
Musing while I write this… I would have said that old belief came via osmosis from my mum, but *now* she is the first to cheer me on if I buy, say, some comfy purple shoes!