Are Pre-Packaged Beliefs Standing in the Way of Your Happiness?
By LeahHave you ever felt stuck in a rut, and miserable, and you just can’t see anyway out of it?
This is the problem that has brought many of my clients to me. They are feeling stuck in an uncomfortable situation and they just can’t see their way out. They want help escaping the rut and creating a life that feels good to them. The first place we start is by looking for the pre-packaged beliefs that are keeping them stuck.
What’s a Pre-Packaged Belief?
A pre-packaged belief is a story that you tell yourself about how the word works, or what is possible. These stories might be handed down to you by your family, or the people around you, or even the media. It is usually something you have heard over and over and you believe it to be true. The thing is, these stories are not necessarily true…especially for you.
Trying to live by these pre-package beliefs causes discomfort, is extremely challenging, and ultimately it doesn’t work for you. The end result is that you feel like there is something wrong with you because you can’t make it work, and you feel trapped in a situation that is totally not working for you.
Here’s and Example
I used to work with sincere, intelligent, magical guy who had just turned 30. He came to me because he was struggling in his job as a warehouse manager. He was stressed out and overwhelmed most of the time. He wanted help finding a way to make it bearable.
We soon uncovered the issue. He was really a musician at heart. Playing music put him into the bliss zone and made him come alive. He went to The Berkley School of Music and even toured with a band. But he left the music life because he wanted to get serious and settle down. It was interesting to discover that he had bought into the story that you could not make enough money to survive as a musician!
His father had drilled it into his head that he needed a secure job with a steady income in order to get ahead and survive. So, that is what he did. He left making music for his spare time, and got a decent paying, secure job.
The problem with this is that his “secure job” left him feeling depleted and depressed and he did not have the energy to make music. He began to doubt himself and started to feel like there was something wrong with him for not being happy and satisfied in his good, secure job as a warehouse manager.
Let’s Switch this Story Around!
I asked him to re-write his story about making money as a musician.
What if you could make enough money to THRIVE as a musician? What would that look like?
As he began to explore what this might look like, he began to become aware of a number of different possibilities around how this might work. I gave him some homework that allowed him to connect with this energy on a deeper level, and I taught him some tricks to use to help him stay connected to his new story of being a successful musician.
Next thing you know he had a plan. He decided to move to Atlanta and tap into the music scene there. I just heard from him the other day. After being in Atlanta for 4 months, he has lined up enough work as a professional musician to pay the bills and then some. He is living his dream and making money too. He has tapped into his ever abundant flow and life feels great!
I can help you tap into your ever abundant flow too! Check out my services page to see how we can work together to do this.
4 Comments
March 8th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I am disassembling the pre-packaged stories I grew up with around ‘education is the key to success’ and needing to have a profession (doctor lawyer indian chief) or at the very least a paycheck job. Progress has been slow, but it is happening. I’m finding ways to turn my skills and years of experience to less traditional paths which I enjoy more.
On the tail of this revising my pre-packaged story a much bigger issue has come up around my daughter’s education. (She is 14) We have withdrawn her from the traditional public school route for many reasons, and she is studying and learning stuff at home. For the most part she is happy and excited with her different lifestyle. She is bright and curious but not traditionally academically inclined. She has clearly stated she doesn’t want to go to college.
I want to teach her and show her that there are other creative and nontraditional ways to make it in the world.
But I suffer anxiety around the fact that she will not earn a high school diploma. Is getting a GED enough? Is it effective? Does she even need to worry about that? She is a very talented artist and writer and I would much rather see her pursue her blissful ways than to be stuck in classrooms doing work and learning things she doesn’t want or care about because some government has decided it is necessary or wants to program her with it.
Some of the richest and happiest people I know didn’t finish high school or never went to college. I know that it is possible to succeed without those things… I want to give her the best opportunity I can to have a really different and wonderful life, but I am still scared. It is a lot of responsibility to be deciding things for her that will effect her entire life and be less than certain about the rightness of the choice.
March 12th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Hi Lillith,
I am glad that you are making your way through examining your beliefs around education and what “profession” means. These are two places that there are a lot of pre-package ideas about what you are supposed to do in order to be successful. It it great that you are recognizing what works for you and what does not. I think the key is to connect to your intention for feeling good in all of it and make choices based on that.
I understand that making these choices for your daughter can feel scary. But I think the same ideas apply. If she seems to thrive and be happy doing what you are doing, I say go for it. There are so may people ditching public and traditional education systems. I know that in Boston, home schooling is becoming a big thing.
How would connecting with other folks doing similar things around education feel?
I also suspect that your belief around education and profession is underneath your doubt and uncertainty. So what if you tried on the belief that your daughter will thrive and lead a meaningful prosperous life . ( without attaching and stipulations about school..profession..leave that to your daughter and the Universe to work out).
How would that feel?
Peace,
Leah
June 27th, 2011 at 8:30 am
Lillith and Leah-
I grew up in a school system that valued the routine. Most of my graduated class in high school attended Ivy Leagues. I myself went to NYU, which was my dream school when I was operating in the consciousness of a highly intellectual, value-juding high school.
After one semester at NYU, I dropped out.
Since then I have found two colleges (The Evergreen State College and Goddard College) that have tailored to my unique education desires (i.e. I can build my own major and pursue my degree on my time). In the last three years, sine leaving NYU, I’ve discovered that I actually am a highly intellectual person, and while independent learning has provided me with a lot of amazing lessons (nothing like being your own task master to learn discipline), I actually want to be in an intelligent learning community where teachers and peers expect something of me. Now, I don’t think everyone who drops out of conventional college comes to this conclusion (and I would HIGHLY recommend either of those two schools above for your daughter, Lilleth), nor that everyone is made for the college track. In fact, some of the most brilliant people I know are the ones who found their niche and stuck to it, education aside (you’ve mentioned these type of people, Lilleth). In my opinion, having sampled a diverse array of colleges (and still in the process of determining my future via college), getting a degree for the sake of having a degree is just plain stupid. And at the very least, a kid should take a year or three off between high school and college to learn about themselves, the world, and what truly brings them alive. No one knows a damned thing at 18, and then we’re funneled into a school system where we’re supposed to decide what to dedicate our lives too…. No, what’s more important is finding joy in life, and if that means working as a waitress part time and climbing trees the rest of the time, so be it. Something good will come of it, simply because you’re one of the happy people in the world. The happy people are truly the ones that keep this ship afloat.
Sorry if I blab. I really like these conversations.
June 27th, 2011 at 8:34 am
value-judging high school*
and then we’re funneled into a school system where we’re supposed to decide what to dedicate our lives to*
even with all my edjewmacation i can’t remember simple spelling…