Who Says ?!?
By adminLately, I have been having conversations with people about the places that feel crappy in their lives. It doesn’t matter what part of their life they are speaking about, the story is always the same-
This is what I have to put up with in order to have the: job, money, family, relationship, or the lifestyle that I want.
My response to them is: “Who says?”
I want to know who made up this rule!
The one that says you “have to” put up with something in your life that feels bad on a regular basis in order to have what you desire.
It appears like lots of people have bought into this rule! I see people struggling with this on a daily basis. They dread going to work, or they are not getting the affection they desire from their relationship. They may feel stuck in something or uninspired by their life. They settle for a less than satisfying situation because they think that is the only option. Then they suffer through it.
I wonder when it became “OK” to feel like that? I have to imagine that on some level you feel that it is OK for parts of your life to feel crappy if you resign yourself to staying in that place.
I was stuck in this trap too!
I had bought into the story that certain things in life were supposed to feel bad especially work! They don’t call it work for nothing right?
I thought I was supposed to make things happen by working long hard hours and always striving. You always took the highest paying job no matter if you liked it or not, because it was all about the money. It did not matter that I was exhausted, disconnected, uninspired, watching too much TV and needing to get “my party on” a few times a week.
I was stuck in a story that said this was just how life was.
I had to suffer, tune out, feel stuck, and be uninspired so that I could do the things I was supposed to do in order to have the things I wanted in life. It seemed to me that everyone around me was caught up in a similar situation.
Boy did it feel crappy!
Funny thing is, I was so caught up in this story that I did not really know the difference. I thought that was how life was supposed to be. Sometimes, I would suspect that there could be more to life. I would glimpse it every now and then in other peoples eye’s, but I could never figure out what it was exactly.
A New Perspective
Then I read a really cool book called the Four Agreements . It suggested to me that life was meant to feel good. I did not have to struggle in order to have what I wanted. I could make my own rules for how I lived my life.Opening up to this possibility shifted many things for me.
I made the choice to find a different work environment that felt better to me and I still made money. It was no longer OK to feel stuck. If it felt bad on a regular basis- something had to change. I had to change. I began working with a coach. I started to question my old story that said work was supposed to be hard and I had to suffer through in order to be successful.
Now my Reality is Different!
I no longer struggle against things that feel bad. I know that there is always a solution and it is possible to find a different way of approaching things. It does not mean I abandon something, but rather find a new way of approaching it that works for me.
If something is not feeling right, I determine what will make it feel better and I take steps to change it. I am back in a place of choice.
I make the rules for my life now. My number 1 rule is that I feel good in every aspect of my life.
What’s your number 1 rule going to be? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
4 Comments
August 31st, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Hey Leah..
I have always loved my job, I’ve had the same job and worked for and with the same doctor for the last 28 years. But for sure during the last 15 years I’ve had time, really low times when I couldn’t see any of the positive things in life, only the death, and the suffering, regardless that even daily I was surrounded by life, and miracles of medicine, of spirit the wonderful people I work with, the wonderful clients who bring thier pets to our clinic, the trust, the love the compassion..and I have made the rules to my life my whole life, I’ve fought teachers, parents, friends on my right to make my life be whatever I want it to be..and the ability to change it daily if I wanted to..no rules except my rules
I stood one day surrounded by horrible sadness and wrote a list of Reasons to Leave…and Reasons to Stay
to leave
1-not that specaial someone in my life still !!
2-not making enough to afford to live alone, ( I was tired of bad choices in roomates
to stay
I wrote down everything on the planet that I would miss, every entry I thought about deep and long and visualized it like I would never see it again..well when I got to page 3 I started rolling around on the floor in fits of laughter…
this world is full of amazing and wonderful people, places, things, what could possibly be better??
so we only have today, this moment, this second…do what makes you happy, love what you do, and…
“if you want to sing out…sing out..and if you want to be free be free…there’s a million things to do..you know that there are”
Enjoying everyday, even the sad days, death is a part of life. Our emotions release so many chemicals that our bodies need, let them come, ride the waves, drive your bus of life and be free.
September 1st, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Right on LunaJune. I am so happy to see you chiming in on here!
I like your process of writing out everything that you would miss on this earth. There is so much beauty all around us…we just have to allow ourselves to see it!
Rock on!
Leah
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:10 am
Hi!
It feels like the less I accept impossibilities, the less I think of them and allow them to worry me, the less I meet people who believe that particular stuff to be impossible… If you know what I mean. Like when I was struggling to get unemployement benefits, beating the drum of lousy administration work, I met lots of people who struggled too. When I came to a place where I simply knew that my file was complete and my request coherent and necessary, I made the appeal one more time, quietly, and it flowed effortlessly on my bank account.
In the 4 agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz explains how humans are prone to discuss painful and difficult experiences. In some cases that’s all they talk about. The most common way is simply to complain about the weather, and the traffic, and the pollution, and slow administration… And to kill the revolution in the egg because it’s always someone else’s fault, and there’s nothing to do about it…
I found that the less I complain, blame or whine, the less it shows up in my life. I avoid disappointments by avoiding feeling disappointed. When I can. And it often opens doors that I hadn’t seen, and the process reminds me to be aware.
January 17th, 2025 at 1:58 pm
This is a great post about having the right mindset, taking personal responsibility and always focusing on the good. My number one rule is to always have fun. If it doesn’t feel good, I delegate or look for ways to make it more fun.
I think the key is to never tolerate things that don’t make you feel energized and happy. It’s much more empowering to look for ways to make things better.