Archive for authentic
Just so you know: I’m not a biker chick
Posted by: | CommentsEarlier this summer I was at a really cool event called I Heart My Biz and I got an opportunity to meet a number of women who I had recently been in an online program with. For the most part we had only interacted via the group site and class calls, so it was really cool to meet in person and give each other a hug.
Everyone was just as I had imagined them to be.
Funny enough, I seemed to be a bit of a surprise to a few of the women that I met. One woman actually came up to me and said that she expected me to be a biker chick and ride up on a Harley! She told me that I did not fit into the image that she had of me.
This brings up an interesting topic….the images and labels that people project onto you (or you to them).
How many of you feel that you need to live up to an image that someone has of you?
Who out there has felt trapped by a particular label that someone has put on you?
This is tricky stuff!
It is hard enough to be yourself to begin with, but it gets much more difficult when other folks begin to label you and cast you in a specific role.
When it comes down to it, someone else’s image of you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Let’s take the woman who expected me to be a biker chick. Because I am not afraid to show off my tattoos, and talk about having piercings, and I speak boldly about making your own rules, and creating your kick-ass dream life, in her mind, I must be a biker chick. That says more about her experience with life than mine.
None of those things define ME at all. The reality is that I am all those things plus a whole lot more. I can be shy when I first meet people, and a bit stand offish on crowds, and I have a soft vulnerable side that I also show. This is what was so confusing for this woman. I was not fitting into the image that she had of me.
I am so many things! I do my best to resist the labels that other people stick on me, and I try not to get caught up in other people’s images of me.
It would be really hard to grow and change and expand if I did.
It would limit my ability to be me.
Embracing Your Freakiness and Making Money Too
Posted by: | CommentsHere is an awesome guest post from one of the co-founder’s of the Freak Revolution.They are experts at embracing what makes them different, creating connections, and living a life that totally rocks!
I hope that you enjoy it.
I’m Kyeli, and I am a freak.
I’m gay, I’m a witch, I’m polyamorous, I’m fat, I’m covered in
tattoos, I’m a geek, I unschool my son, I have piercings, I’m a
writer, and I’m an entrepreneur. Oh! And I’m leading a revolution.
I’ve been persecuted for each flavor and for all flavors of my
freakitude. I’ve lost friends and family. I spent over a decade
hiding in the closet, trying desperately to appear normal, to be
something I’m not – to be many things I’m not. But in the end, the
lying and the self-deception proved too much for me, and I burst out
of all those closets and ran wild.
Figuratively. I’m not much of a literal runner.
Bursting out of all those closets was actually a very slow, gradual
process. I had to do a lot of self-work and discovery before I could
even crack the door, let alone start being open and loud about it.
But slowly, gradually, I got more and more secure in myself which
allowed me to get more and more secure in being out.
Now I’m out all over the place. My labels are all loudly proclaimed
in all my online profiles. I quit my desk job that was eating my soul
and started my own business with my lovely wife and cohort, Pace.
(She’s even more freaky than me!)
How do we make any money, being so freaky?
We’re open. We’re honest. We reach out to people and make
connections. We make time for people. We talk about our lives and
our journeys. And we focus on other freaky people.
If you’re freaky – even if you’re just a little freaky – you don’t
want someone who won’t understand you helping you. We can’t connect
with people we have nothing in common with, no matter our intentions.
So we open ourselves up and reach out to others like us, in some way
or another, so we can connect and help and make a living doing what we
love.
But I think the biggest secret is the most simple thing: we really care.
We really care about people.
We really care about helping.
We really care about connection, about self-growth, about making the
world a better and more loving place.
When you pour your heart into your work, people notice. When you fly
your freak flag, your right people will turn up – and your wrong
people will turn away. Stepping fully into yourself is the surest way
to success, no matter your path.
Bio:
Kyeli is the co-leader of the Freak Revolution (alongside her
wife, Pace), a community of passionate world-changers with alternative
lifestyles and more importantly, alternative mindsets. The two of them
are passionate about changing the world in ways that foster connection
over control, authenticity over conformity, and love over fear. They
have just released 52 Weeks to Awesome, a 52-week long course with one easy-to-implement mission
per week to help you be even more awesome!
Hiding Who You Are is Not the Answer
Posted by: | CommentsI just got off the phone with a really cool chick named Ginger Burr. She has a business called Total Image Consultants . We were having a great conversation about some of the pre-packaged advice that is often given to the freaky people who are looking for jobs. One thing we were discussing was how it is often suggested that you cover your tattoos and remove your piercings when you go out on a job interview.
There is a big flaw in this advice.
It suggests that you hide who you are in order to fit into that business’s idea of what you should look like in order to work there.
So…what happens if you actually get the job?
Then you are set up to continue hiding who you are for the duration of the time that you work there. Maybe after a few weeks you put your piercings back in, let your tattoo’s peek out, or dye your hair blue again, at the risk of getting reprimanded. The end result is you not being able to show up fully while you are at work. You will always be hiding something, and that does not feel very good.
I have a different idea.
How about you look for a job where they accept you, freakiness and all?
These jobs are out there. You just have to look for them.
Imagine working in a place where you can be YOU, where they welcome your diversity, and you are allowed to show up fully every day.
What would that be like?
How much more creative would you be if you thought that your unique perspective was welcomed there?
How fun and cool would it be to work with a bunch of people who got you, and you did not have to hide parts of yourself from.
Imagine what you would create together!
(Ginger and I will be discussing this stuff further on March 9th when she appears as a guest on Defy the Box Radio.)
The Freak Factor
Posted by: | CommentsI am still thinking about this week’s Defy the Box Radio Show. I had a great conversation with Dave Rendall about his manifesto called:
The Freak Factor : Discovering Uniqueness by Flaunting Weakness. ( Download it and read it!)
When I first read this I was very impressed. It resonated with the core message behind Defy the Box.
Let your Freak Flag Fly in order to enjoy great meaning and success.
I can’t stress this point enough…… It’s OK to be different, and there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s time to stop making yourself wrong and trying to stuff yourself into the “Box” that society is trying to cram you into. It is a waste of your time and energy, and it just doesn’t feel very good. You would be better served by embracing these “problems” that other folks think you have and finding an environment that supports them.
I can’t stress how important it is to create the right environment and find the right people to surround you. You are not necessarily born into it. Sometimes you need to go out and create it. I think that accepting yourself helps a lot with this. The way you feel about yourself and what makes you different directly affects who and what you attract in to your experience.
For example, when I had Kali from the Kink Academy on DTB radio, we talked about authentic sexuality and the importance of accepting and feeling good about your desires. If you feel that your kinky desires are bad, then you tend to attract a person into your experience who feels that you are bad for wanting those things…..which in turn feeds your feelings of being bad. When you embrace your desires and feel good about them, you will attract people in to your experience who are down with them too, and you can enjoy some fun and feel good about it.
Is there anything about you that you are tired of trying to fix?
What would happen if you embraced it ?
You can listen you the Freak Factor episode here:
Your Inner-Freak Is Your Super Power
Posted by: | Comments
I have been noodling this idea for a while now.
A Super Power is the thing that sets you apart from everyone else.
It is something that is unique to you.
It makes you stand out and gives you the ability to do something that no one else can.
You can also use your Super power to benefit yourself and humanity.
I like the sound of that.
Your Inner-Freak is all these things too.
It is that part of you that you consider to be different from other folks.
It sets you apart.
It makes you unique.
It also knows what you like and what feels good.
Your inner-freak is your super power. Fully embracing it and owning it allows you to share your super powers with the world. If you ignore it, and make it wrong for being too ‘freaky’, you deny everyone, including yourself, the opportunity to benefit from it.
I am curious to hear what you think about this wild idea in the comments below.
