Archive for story
The little mean girl wants to come out
Posted by: | CommentsThe other day was one of those days where I really loved my life! It was the perfect combination of work and play. It was also my massage day! Massage day is cool because I get to see my friend Dan and we chat and he gives me an awesome massage. It is surely part of what makes my life Kick-Ass!
As I lay on the table, and began to relax I started thinking about my day and a wonderful conversation that I had had with a really cool lady named Martia Nelson. She is a published author and coach who I was introduced to by a mutual friend. She had given me some high praise about my website and my writing style. She complimented my ability to write clearly using simple language that conveyed the meaning of complex information.
I was thrilled to hear these compliments as she said them! I felt myself puffing up with pride as she spoke the words to me. I readily received her compliments in the moment. It felt awesome to be seen as an excellent writer!
But now, as I lay on the massage table thinking about the conversation, I found myself discounting her praise.
In my mind it went something like this: “She just said those nice things to butter me up. She really just wanted me to have her on My Kick-Ass Dream Life. I’m not that good of a writer. I can’t spell and my grammar sucks! She didn’t really mean it” I started to feel small and suddenly life didn’t feel so Kick-Ass any more.
Do you ever find yourself doing that?
WTF!? I was totally making up a story about why I suck as a writer and how no-one would really praise me and mean it!! It made feel small and insignificant.
I will be the first one to tell you that part of your Kick-Ass Life is OWNING your talents and appreciating how awesome you are. So why was I laying here questioning Martia’s sincerity and discounting her compliments?
Part of the reason I do this because I have a “story” about myself from childhood concerning writing. This story says-my spelling is awful and my grammar sucks. I am always criticized for this. I have to be extra careful or I will be judged harshly. I’m not good enough because I can’t do this.
When I believe this story I discount people’s praise. I discount my talent. I discount who I am. I don’t feel very Kick-Ass at all.
Do you have stories about yourself that keep you from feeling Kick-Ass?
I think we all do!
So what do you do about them?
The first step is to acknowledge that you have them.
I find that noticing the stories can be the hardest part. Usually they are based on some past experiences that are REAL and TRUE! I AM a bad speller and my grammar is not the best. I always got bad grades in spelling and grammar, and it affected the grades on my writing assignments. It was always a problem. It made me feel less than the other kids who could spell. That was my reality in school.
The question is, is it my reality now?
Not really! Sure, I still spell bad and have careless grammar, but there is the magic of spell check which usually fixes things up nicely. I have learned how to proofread by reading everything out loud which allows me to catch most other mistakes. I also have an editor that I use. People praise my writing skills all the time. I am invited to write for other websites like Fearless Press and Owning Pink. My writing actually is something for me to be proud of and feel good about! My writing is Kick-Ass!
So why do I keep telling the old story that feels bad to me?
I suspect that it is because a small part of me is not fully ready to embrace my brilliance. It wants to keep me small and this old story does a great job of keeping me in that place. This small part of me used to be much bigger and it ran everything in my life…….but not anymore. Now it only slips out when I am not paying attention and brings up old stories from the past in an effort to regain control.
I’m not going to let that happen!
I’m going to keep focusing on the amazing-ness of my currant reality and tell a new story that supports me being an accomplished writer. And when someone tells me the love what I write, I am going to believe them! 
What stands in the way of you living your kick-ass dream life?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you could create your kick-ass dream life, what would it look like ?
What would you spend your days doing?
Who would you hang out with?
Where would you live?
What would the weather be like?
How would you feel when you wake up in the morning?
How would you feel when you go to bed at night?
What is stopping you from living this dream right now?
What stands in your way?
I suspect that many of you think it is the money, other responsibilities (family/kids), where you live, or a number of other circumstances that stand in the way of you living your dream life. But I am here to tell you that you are wrong.
What is keeping you from living a life that totally rocks right now is your stories about who you are and what is possible for you. We all have them. They are commonly called limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are deeply ingrained in our subconscious mind and determine what we even try to do with our lives. They keep us small and prevent us from going after our big dreams.
Your Limiting beliefs are behind that voice in your head that says:
” You can’t do that.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“What are you crazy?”
“This is just the way the world works”
These beliefs keep you small and tightly packed into that box that society wants you to live inside of.
The interesting thing is that most of these beliefs are not really true at all. They are just some story that you bought into somewhere along the way (just like everyone else). I suspect that if you begin to question them you will see how quickly they fall apart.
The reality is that each of us can be, do and have anything that our hearts desire. There is no limit to what is possible when you sent your mind to it. The trick is that you have to believe that it is possible before you can allow it to unfold for you.
I am curious about where in your life you are not allowing yourself to go for what you really want because you don’t think that you can have it?
Where are you allowing yourself to sit in a place that is feels sucky because you think that is “just the way it has to be” ?
If you are interested in doing something about these limiting beliefs, you can sign up for a free 3o minute Breakthrough Session. During this session I will help you to uncover exactly what is standing in the way and what you can do about it.
If this sounds good, shoot me an email here and someone will get back to you as soon as possible.
The Rock
Posted by: | CommentsThis post was originally a guest post done for my friend Fiona at http://www.yearinamerica.net
Back in the day, I was part of a really cool woman’s mystery school and leadership program called the Priestess Path Apprenticeship. This program was truly amazing and opened the way for deep personal growth. This group of 24 women gathered together once a month and spent time in circle exploring many mystical practices and initiations aimed at making us confront our fear and inner-demons in order to know ourselves better. It was very powerful work.
One of the things we did was called the Quest. Each of us was lead on a journey down a dark path through an unknown forest. There were many stops along the way designed to challenge you and make you think. At one stop you were asked how heavy your past emotional baggage weighed on you. Then you were given a big rock to carry with you along the path to represent your baggage.
Let me tell you that carrying that rock sucked! It was awkward and took so much energy. It weighed me down. At each new stop along the trail it became more and more irritating. The longer I carried it, the heavier it became and the more I focused on it. I was not able to enjoy the cool stuff I was coming across along the path because I was so focused on carrying the rock and how much it sucked. The rock became the focus of everything.
Finally, I got fed up and decide to throw the rock off into the woods. Boy what a relief. I felt free. The Quest was fun again. I wondered why I did not ditch the rock sooner.
Interesting enough, I was the only one who chose to ditch their rock. Everyone else kept lugging the thing along until they came to a stop where someone else relived them of it. It never occurred to them that they might have a choice in the matter.
I wonder how many of you are carrying around a Rock of your own without giving thought to the idea that you have a choice in the matter.
There is always a choice.
Choose to let it go and focus on what feels good to you right now.
Choose to enjoy the adventure.
Ditch the Rock!
Your Story: Love It or Ditch It !
Posted by: | CommentsOne of my superstar clients came to me wanting support in building her business. She had reached a point where she felt bogged down and the joy was going out out of it for her. It was begining to feel a lot like WORK! Work she did not want to do. She found herself doing things she did not enjoy because she thought she “had to” do them.
Once we dug down into it, I uncovered a story that she was carrying that said in order to be successful in business, you had to be very serious and work hard. She had to MAKE everything happen and figure it all out. She was following a plan of action that did not feel very good to her.
Now, this superstar is a fun loving gal. Part of the reason she started her own business was so that she could enjoy herself and have the freedom to do what she wanted. As we explored the different stories she held about what success meant and looked like, and how you got there, it became apparent that her story was not in alignment with her desire.
She felt hemmed in and limited by what she thought she was supposed to do. This story took the joy out of everything.
It also took her out of alignment with her vision of how she wanted her business to be and she was not making the money that she desired.
Are you wondering what we did about it?
We ditched her old story about what she had to do in order to be successful and wrote a new one. In this superstar’s new story, her success easily grew out of her enjoyment of her work and it was fun and easy. We identified the different components of her business that felt good to her and were already working. I had her identify the things she really enjoyed doing and wanted to do more of. We focused on the fun and what was already bringing results.
We also identified the parts of her business that felt forced and were not working. If we could not find a way to make them fun we ditched them or found someone else to take care of it. When we were done she was already seeing things take off.
The biggest improvement was that she was enjoying it again! Things were opening up for her and she felt good! This new story was really working.
I am curious to know if any of you have places in your life or your business where you are feeling bogged down and are not getting the results that you want.
Do you know what your story is around it?
It’s all about me….no really!
Posted by: | CommentsI was listening to a friend complain about her relationship the other day. She was unhappy with her partner and how they were communicating. Her complaining about him is nothing new. She wants him to behave differently, blames him for their problems and likes to make him wrong. Every time I see her it is more of the same thing.
It sounds just like me 5 years ago.
I used to be a professional at blaming my partner for everything that was going wrong in our relationship.When it came down to it, everything that he did that made me uncomfortable I declared to be wrong. He needed to communicate more effectively, change the way he did things, and remember to do this or that. I put all the responsibility on him for changing the dynamics of our relationship. I was unhappy and it was his fault.
I was always blaming him and making myself out to be the victim of his personality flaws.
Talk about not taking responsibility for my own happiness!
Then I began to understand how I could apply the concepts of personal responsibility to my relationships.I embraced the idea that I am responsible for my own happiness, and if I am dissatisfied with the way things are, it is up to me to do something different in order to create the change I am looking for. It is my job to shift my perspective, and to clean up any old stories that I am carrying that are getting in my way. My expectations and frustration are all about me and how I think things should be. That does not make them true for anyone else.
Let’s face it, we are all really just doing our best and being ourselves. In most cases, no one is purposefully trying to be a jerk, unless that is what you expect from them. (When you cast someone into that roll, and you expect nothing less, then that is what you get.)
I guarantee that when you are having an issue with someone’s behavior, it is really all about you.
The best way to change things is to identify your own role in it.
What exactly is making you upset?
What can you do differently to create the results you are looking for?
What old story do you need to let go of?
How can you accept your partner for who they are, perceived flaws and all, and learn to interact with that person, rather than trying to force them to be who you think they should be ?
I am going to honest with you; it takes courage and determination to fully embrace the idea of personal responsibility. Changing you behavior can be hard work. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing and saying. You often end up having to deal with old stuff that you would rather forget about. In my experience it is worth it. My life and relationships have changed dramatically for the better. It also puts your happiness back into your own hands. That in itself is worth it.
Are you willing to take this on?
Try it out and let me know what happens.
