The Freak Factor
By · CommentsI am still thinking about this week’s Defy the Box Radio Show. I had a great conversation with Dave Rendall about his manifesto called:
The Freak Factor : Discovering Uniqueness by Flaunting Weakness. ( Download it and read it!)
When I first read this I was very impressed. It resonated with the core message behind Defy the Box.
Let your Freak Flag Fly in order to enjoy great meaning and success.
I can’t stress this point enough…… It’s OK to be different, and there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s time to stop making yourself wrong and trying to stuff yourself into the “Box” that society is trying to cram you into. It is a waste of your time and energy, and it just doesn’t feel very good. You would be better served by embracing these “problems” that other folks think you have and finding an environment that supports them.
I can’t stress how important it is to create the right environment and find the right people to surround you. You are not necessarily born into it. Sometimes you need to go out and create it. I think that accepting yourself helps a lot with this. The way you feel about yourself and what makes you different directly affects who and what you attract in to your experience.
For example, when I had Kali from the Kink Academy on DTB radio, we talked about authentic sexuality and the importance of accepting and feeling good about your desires. If you feel that your kinky desires are bad, then you tend to attract a person into your experience who feels that you are bad for wanting those things…..which in turn feeds your feelings of being bad. When you embrace your desires and feel good about them, you will attract people in to your experience who are down with them too, and you can enjoy some fun and feel good about it.
Is there anything about you that you are tired of trying to fix?
What would happen if you embraced it ?
You can listen you the Freak Factor episode here:
What is the Right Way to Live?
By · CommentsAn extremely common pre-packaged belief is that there is a right way and a wrong way to live. It‘s thought that all people should discover this and agree upon it, and then that right way of living should be enforced.
What the Fuck?
This idea is crazy for a number of reasons. The biggest being that we are all different, and what makes you happy and is the right way for you to live, might feel completely wrong to me.
But we do continue to force our ideas onto each other. This happens on so many different levels.
Religion is the first to come to mind.
Different countries have different ideas about the best way to run things.
You can see this same thing happening in the different states as they work through ideas about gay marriage and the legalization of marijuana.
Growing up, children are impacted by their parent’s ideas about how to raise them and how they should live. How they should dress, and speak and behave. Factor in the school system and your culture and there are lots of rules and expectations around what RIGHT LIVING looks like.
This is the main reason why there are so many people who feel like freaks and outsiders in this world. They are living their lives according to someone else's ideas about what right living looks like.
Is there one right way to live?
NO WAY!
There are as many ways to live as there are people.
I want you to think about this for a minute.
If you could live anyway you wanted, what would that look like?
More of this please…….Amplification Friday
By · Comments
The most powerful way to create change and to bring more JUICY GOODNESS into your life is to practice appreciation.
When you appreciate anything, you are sending a strong signal to the Universe saying:I want more of this please.
Appreciation is a simple thing, but it tends to get lost in our busy day…or gets pushed out the way by a tendency to focus on what we do not like and what is not working.
So, I have created Amplification Friday to encourage you to take a moment out of your day and think about all the yummy and satisfying moments from your week.
It can be anything that you want more of…..it does not have to be something nice and sweet…it can be down right dirty…as long at it feels good to you and you want more of it in your life.( I often spend time appreciating my big black boots, and how fun it is to
go to the Kink Academy…and the fact that there even is a place like that.)
I would certainly suggest appreciating the people in your life and all the things that you are wanting more of in the future.
It is also really cool to bask a bit in appreciation of yourself and how freaking awesome you are.
The more time you spend basking in the good feeling thoughts, the stronger you make that vibration…the more good stuff you attract back to you. ( That's how this shit works.)
Remember that Pleasure = Juicy Goodness !
Once you identify the things you are appreciating, take few moments to really bask in the good feelings that they bring. By doing this you are amplifying the energy of them and sending a strong signal out into the Universe say "more of this Please!"
I invite you to share what you are appreciating below.
Trapped, Miserable and Bitchy
By · CommentsThis morning I was reading a post on the Freak Revolution blog and it really sounded familiar to me.
It reminded me of my own story.
About 8 years ago I was working in a restaurant and miserable. There are some differences between me and the “pie-fucker” that they are describing. I did not work at Chili’s and I did not suck at my job, but the misery was one and the same.
In my case, I worked at a high end steak house and was actually very good at my job, BUT I was miserable and pretty bitchy most of the time.
I felt trapped.
I wanted out but I had bills to pay. I was making 2 or 3 times as much money as I could as a new consular or therapist.
Besides, I did not really want to work mucking around in people’s problems. I knew that I wanted to do something along the lines of helping people, but I also was used to a certain standard of living. I felt stuck and did not see many options.
So, I sucked it up and stayed at the job I hated and bitched and moaned and complained about how awful it was.
I spent a lot of time looking for something to make me feel better. I went out for drinks most nights and partied a lot. When I was home alone, I always had the TV or the computer on…..sometimes both at the same time. I was trying to tune out that part of me that was crying out for something different. Deep down inside I knew that my life could be different….that this could not be it…..but I was not sure what exactly it was that I was looking for.
Strangely enough, I would catch a glimpse of it every now and then. I would come across a stranger who seemed “shiny” to me and they would have a special sparkle in their eyes. You could tell that their life did not suck.
All I knew was that I wanted some of what they had.
I had to break free of the miserable, meaningless life I was living. I got to the point where it was no longer ‘OK’ to remain at a job that I hated.
I wanted to like my job.
I wanted to enjoy my life and be inspired by it.
I decided to set off on a course of exploration and I did a bunch of thing I had never done. One of those things was to go to Burning Man. In a strange moment of displaced clarity I decide to follow my heart and become a life coach.
Was it scary?
YES!
Did I take a Risk?
You Bet!
I also doubted my choice a hundred times over, but in the end I am certain it was the best thing I ever did.
My life feels good to me now.
I am that ‘shiny’ person with the twinkle in her eye.
You know what?
I gets better and better every day.
What To Do When They Drive You F@%$ Crazy?
By · CommentsWe all have experienced this.
There is someone who you can’t stand and who drives you crazy in your personal or work life.
Every time you see them you bristle up and get aggravated. It is like they are purposefully trying to piss you off and you think they are totally full of shit. They do the same stupid stuff over and over again. You can’t believe that they act this way, and you feel powerless to change things.
These people come in many different disguises. Sometimes it is your boss or co-worker. Other times it hits close to home and is a family member…..maybe even your parents.
The thing they have in common is that they make part of your life suck, and you feel like you have to put up with it because of the place that they hold in your life. (This situation could be describing your job or relationship too.)
So, what do you do about it?
How can you make it better?
I am going to tell you but you might not like it.
The best way to make this situation better is to spend some time focusing your attention on what you appreciate and like about the person…or job….or relationship.
I know this may sound crazy and maybe even impossible since this person really has no redeeming qualities, but try it anyway and see what happens.
Sit down and make a list of everything that you feel that person is good at, and what you appreciate about them. Maybe they are a snappy dresser, they always have your favorite candy on their desk, or they are a fun drunk. Even if you are really stretching to find something, go ahead and make the effort to do it. The more positive aspects of this person, or situation, that you can find, the faster things will shift for you. You want to shift the energy by focusing on what feels good to you about this person or situation. Spend some time everyday focusing on this list of positive aspects to amplify the energy of it.
Next, take a step back and stop making them wrong for their behavior. If someone does the same ‘shit’ over and over again it is more likely that that is just the way they do things, and if you stopped viewing it as wrong, you would be able to find a way make it work. It is only “shit” because it is not the same way you do things.
Don’t you hate when someone makes you wrong for simply being you? I think it sucks when someone does it to me.
You know what…it is all good.
Everyone is different.
The better you get at going with the flow and the faster you learn to stop making people wrong, the easier life will be. The fastest way to life sucking less is to learn to see people as they are without making them wrong, and learning how to adapt to different peoples styles of interacting and relating. The only behavior that you can really change is your own. You have 100% control over it. So, why not learn to adjust how you respond to stuff?
Ok…I know that this idea might get you riled up. If you are really having trouble with it, send me an email or give me a call and I can talk you through it.
This Sucks! How do I make it better ?
By · CommentsEvery subject is really two subjects: What you want and the absence of what you want.
Which one are you focusing on?
Most people find that it is easier to focus on whats absent, what is wrong and what needs to be fixed.
Why is that?
It seems easier to do because that is what you are used to doing.
It is your habit.
Just because it is your habit, does not mean it is the most effective way of creating a life that rocks.
It actually works against you.
By focusing on what is missing, you are giving lots of attention and energy to it. You are basically amplifying the energy of what you do not want and telling the Universe to give you more of it.
This is why when you focus on your problems they get bigger.
But,with a bit of effort, anyone can learn to shift their focus to what they want.
It is as simple as asking yourself "what would be better" when faced with an undesirable situation.
Or noticing what you appreciate about something.
This is especially powerful if you are currently experiencing something that sucks.
The best way to "make it better" is to make a list of everything you appreciate about the sucky situation/person/place/thing.
I know that this can be a bit of a stretch but go ahead and do it anyway.
You have to get the positive vibes flowing before anything good can happen.
Then focus on the solution.
Ask yourself how you want the situation to be.
"what would be better??"
This will not only shift your energy and make you feel better in the moment, but it also creates space for something more desirable to show up.
Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
The Rock
By · CommentsThis post was originally a guest post done for my friend Fiona at http://www.yearinamerica.net
Back in the day, I was part of a really cool woman’s mystery school and leadership program called the Priestess Path Apprenticeship. This program was truly amazing and opened the way for deep personal growth. This group of 24 women gathered together once a month and spent time in circle exploring many mystical practices and initiations aimed at making us confront our fear and inner-demons in order to know ourselves better. It was very powerful work.
One of the things we did was called the Quest. Each of us was lead on a journey down a dark path through an unknown forest. There were many stops along the way designed to challenge you and make you think. At one stop you were asked how heavy your past emotional baggage weighed on you. Then you were given a big rock to carry with you along the path to represent your baggage.
Let me tell you that carrying that rock sucked! It was awkward and took so much energy. It weighed me down. At each new stop along the trail it became more and more irritating. The longer I carried it, the heavier it became and the more I focused on it. I was not able to enjoy the cool stuff I was coming across along the path because I was so focused on carrying the rock and how much it sucked. The rock became the focus of everything.
Finally, I got fed up and decide to throw the rock off into the woods. Boy what a relief. I felt free. The Quest was fun again. I wondered why I did not ditch the rock sooner.
Interesting enough, I was the only one who chose to ditch their rock. Everyone else kept lugging the thing along until they came to a stop where someone else relived them of it. It never occurred to them that they might have a choice in the matter.
I wonder how many of you are carrying around a Rock of your own without giving thought to the idea that you have a choice in the matter.
There is always a choice.
Choose to let it go and focus on what feels good to you right now.
Choose to enjoy the adventure.
Ditch the Rock!
Are You A Problem Solver?
By · CommentsDo you believe that with enough effort or hard work, you can accomplish anything?
Well, I can tell you that I used to buy into that way of thinking.
I worked very hard and put a lot of effort into fixing all the problems in my life, job and relationships. I felt that if I stayed alert, and caught the problem early enough, I could take action to fix it before the shit hit the fan.
As a problem solver, I was always looking for problems, and boy did I find them.
The Universe supplied me with a never-ending stream of issues. I worked very hard and put lots of effort into taking care of all of them and I did accomplish all kinds of things doing it.
Boy was it exhausting!
I was frustrated, stressed out and very unsatisfied. If I am being totally honest I will admit that it sucked having to fix everything all the time.
Then after many years of being extremely frustrated and stressed out I decided to stop looking for problems.
I got wise to the law of attraction and recognized that the Universe had been giving me exactly what I was looking for.
When you look for problems you find them.
I decided to stop focusing on what needed to be fixed and start paying attention to what was working and what felt good.
You know what happened?
My problems started to disappear.
Amazingly enough, things did not fall apart because I was not on high alert. The shit never hit the fan! I was no longer exhausted, stressed out and frustrated all the time. I had tons of energy to explore things that interested me and were fun.
I began to spend time thinking about all the things I wanted in my life, and how I would feel when I had them, and like magic those things began to show up.
They showed up effortlessly and without hard work on my part.
mmmmm….interesting.
